[phone rings]
Me: ‘lo
Client: Hey Kev its me.
Me: Hey Generic Client, how’s it going?
Client: Not bad, not bad. I just wanted to ring to let you know we’re all really loving the work you’re doing for us. We’re all pretty excited about how it’s going.
Me: Nice one Generic Client – remember though, don’t clap, just throw money! AHAHAHAHA.
Client: Sorry?
Me: It was a joke dude. Forget it. Jesus.
Client: Right. Anyway, as I say, we’re all simply adoring your input on this one. Seriously, we love it. There’s just one tiny problem we need you to sort out.
Me: OK.
Client: Little flags.
Me: Little flags?
Client: Yeah, you know – to indicate the different languages our clients might speak. We basically want 10 different versions of the site. Each sperate version should be written in a seperate language – Spanish, French, German, American…
Me:…and on the home page you want a flag for each of these guys that they click to access ‘their’ site. Am I right?
Client: Totally! We knew you’d see the potential. And make them animated – like they’re in a breeze.
Me: A breeze.
Client: Yeah!
Me: But don’t you remember Generic Client? We talked about this – I said I’d write a script that would detect the incoming IP of each visitor, perform a reverse look up on it, resolve the country of origin for that visitor and swap all the content in based on that persons native language.
Client: Oh. Right.
Me: We agreed it would be easier guy – ‘one design, many contents’ remember? Makes your life much easier when it comes to updating the design or structure.
Client: I guess.
Me: So whats with the grief?
Client: We really like the little flag idea. I mean *really* like it. We had a board meeting and everything.
Me: I’m telling you Generic Client, having 10 versions of your site is such a bad idea that it could well be the worst idea that anyone’s ever had. Ever. In the history of ideas. In fact, This idea makes Captain Oates idea of ‘going for a little walk’ look like one of the stellar ideas of the world. When the lookout on the Titanic decided to look the other way for a bit, that was, it can’t be denied, something of an erroneous decision. But its not as bad as this. I’m begging you Generic Client – don’t do this.
Client: OK, OK! We’ll stick with your idea…..
Me: Nice one.
Client…..but…..
Me: What?
Client: Is there some way we can use the little flag thing? It’d look so cool!
Me: I’ll see what I can do. Christ.
Client: You rock! Did I tell you how much we love you over here?
[phone down]
Left Brain Right Brain 
I think everyone get’s a phone call like at least once from every client.
If only ‘Generic Client’ could be told where to get off…
You have the same problem as me, and probably every other web designer / developer in the industry. Being too nice & accomadating can cause alot of problems! Chin-Up.
You’re right Andy. I should point out though that these ‘conversations’ aren’t necessarily things going on right now – merely my world weary experience and biting cynicism shining through ;o)
You have made my night! I needed cheering up! I am wriing an accountancy progamme for a client at the moment and they have gone away to “play” with it – I just know that they will want the impossible from me! Hey ho, as long as they pay me!
And there’s also the generic client who wants to make the logo bigger. And have it on the home page with a big ENTER button. Or even better, why not have a Flash version of the site, and an HTML version for “low bandwidth” users? Of course, the intro page should take atleast 30 secs to download, what with the sexy flash movie with the logo floating around.
What about that flash nav bar? Now that’s a must have.
Erm, isn’t using Country Flags to depict language incorrect. If I selected the UK flag, would I get English, Welsh or Scottish Gaelic?
Checkout:
http:// http://www.translate.com/technology/ multilingual_standard/symbols_and_icons.html
and
http://www.cs.tut.fi/~jkorpela/flags.html
Thanks Tom. Next time Generic CLient phones up, I’ll point him to those pages ;o)