Every so often I amuse myself by trawling through the search terms people use on Google, yahoo etc to find their way here. Some of them are fairly obvious – I rank pretty well on autism and web related terms.
However I occasionally find some downright bizarre or otherwise funny terms. Some of them are so odd I simply can’t figure how any engine returned my site as a match. I thought what I’d so was to share some of the more odd phrase that turn up in my web logs on occasion.
can ingesting mice urine make humans sick?
Pure genius. This is one of those great questions that answers themselves. Simply remove the ‘Can’ and the ‘?’.
quack jeff bradstreet quack
OK, I agree but the funniest thing about this is the mental image of someone shouting “Quack Jeff Bradstreet, quack!” in some sort of demented orgy of duck-related flagellation.
ipods cause autism
I must admit that a mouthful of tea very nearly hit my monitor when I first read this. I feel sure that in the coming months we will see a rise of parent-lef groups campaigning to rid the world of evil MP3 playing devices. ITS THE MUSIC PLAYERS, STUPD!!
stop the pigeon
I loved that cartoon. Second only to Pinky and the Brain. I have no idea how it ended up in my web logs though.
play extremist deth
??? Are ‘extremist deth’ a group? Some kind of sick board game? It sounds like some sort of Metallica/Napalm Deth offshoot to me.
theres a voice keeps on calling me! down the road thats where i ll always be!!!
I frigging hated the Littlest Hobo. Sorry America. But this was such a surreal phrase to turn up in my web logs that it kept me giggling for hours.
naughty policewoman
Er…OK. There’s only one guy I know of who hangs about with Strippers and lap dancers (its his job the lucky git). I promise I don’t keep any ‘naughty policewomen’ related imagery.
Not on my web server anyway.
nicest ass in the internet
Heeyyyy…..thanks unknown searcher. Seriously though? I really doubt it. I’m large, shambling, hairy with wild eyes etc. And _in_ the internet?
how to say subjcts in french
I love irony as much as the next man.
powerpoint noise induced hearing loss
One of my personal favourites. Is there a support group for people who’ve lost their hearing due to Powerpoint related noise? If not, there really should be. The suits I know love to put swishy noises on there terminally dull presentations. Possibly someone got carried away in an apocolyptic cacophony of MS-plinky action noises.
how do i speak to my dead husband
OK now, I try not to be cruel but I defy anyone not to think wicked thoughts. Its not so much that this person wants to speak to their dead husband so much as she _searched the internet_ looking for sites to tell her how to do it.
And thats it for my web logs – got anything amusing, odd or downright peculiar lurking in your search terms?
Left Brain Right Brain 
powerpoint noise induced hearing loss, classic
You might submit some of these to Disturbing Search Requests.
I get very strange ones now and then, too. I haven’t done a log crawl for ages, but for some reason, I do seem to come up pretty high on the list of people searching for BBW redheads, heheh. And I admit, sometimes I deliberately “seed” my weblog with phrases just to annoy people searching for rude things. And might I add “breasts”, “panties”, and “free photographs” (just because it’ll make your search requests so much more amusing *snicker*).
Do *not* google “noodle”, “penis” and “bull” in any order…
I did…
I saw…
I felt queazy.
Then I chundered!
Curious, yes. Disturbing, very!
Wow, this was a dull read… How can I get those two minutes of my life back?
Erm, by not typing a comment?
Great stuff Kevin! Makes me jealous:)
Great post! The best I can do is sweating for a cause: two local men put their bodies to the test. I also came up with many misspellings for Asperger’s. Of course, considering my poor proofing skills, they probably resulted in exact hits. ;^)
I have an unfair advantage over y’all because I have a Star Trek fanfiction site. Looking through my log of search strings is one of my favorite pastimes!
Here are some of the weirder ones I’ve gotten recently:
bizarre endearments
superlative evil
marshmallow composition
whimsical confections
catfight wedding gown
how to draw werewolves
world destruction song
people marooned on heavy planet by enemy book
black planet’s bikini
finding peach in god’s will
_catfight wedding gown_
I’m intrigued.
Kev, I wrote a story called “Catfight in a Hot Vulcan Desert,” based on the episode Amok Time, where Spock goes back home to Vulcan for his wedding. (In my version, his bride, in her wedding gown, gets into a trashy mud-wrestling brawl with T’Pol from the Enterprise series.)
Apparently it’s quite popular, because people regularly come to my site as a result of searches for catfight stories.
http://www.ventura33.com/chvd.shtml
Don’t say I didn’t warn you. 😉
I get a surprising number of searches that say “most toxic substance” or something similar.
I get people looking for Diva things, like “Diva fashion”… I bet they’re dissapointed.
I haven’t kept track of the funny things, but I don’t think there have been any as funny as, “quack jeff bradstreet quack”. I wonder who was using those search terms?
I just recently got one, not funny but interesting, “Gernsbacher treating autism like a death in the family”.
If they found anything about Dr. Gernsbacher it was that she doesn’t treat autism like a “death in the family”, and I’m sure that’s what the person was thinking… if they know Dr. G.
Did the people using the search terms you listed all come visit your blog? Or did they just pull up your site in a list of other sites?
The Diva blog shows up really high if you search “UCD MIND institute”. That always surprises me when I do searches like.
I’m going to the MIND institute this afternoon to hear a lecture… maybe I should ask the director if he’s done a search on google recently. 🙂 I’m debating on whether or not to take the Diva along with me. She spends so much time dithering over which tiara to wear she might make me late.
“drbuttar.com” was down earlier. The US gov’t just banned the sale of human growth hormone for “antiaging”. Buttar has a trans d-tropin, that I thought he invented, but now I’m not sure, maybe he just uses it. He had a study of it that he documented somewhere on the web.
Human growth hormone for antiaging is a huge profit maker and apparently it doesn’t do what they say it can do (surprise!) and it’s really expensive (surprise!).
Drbuttar.com is back in a prettier form…
These are strings that people have typed into an engine that led them here so yeah CC, they’re phrases that list me along with a load of other sites – although I can’t imagine a huge market for ‘powerpoint noise induced hearing loss’.
_”Drbuttar.com is back in a prettier form…”_
Any designer who uses
class="middlespacing style1"needs shooting ;o)Someone in France just visited the Diva blog following the search terms
“girlish knee socks”
🙂
It took him or her to the entry about the “gala” held at the MIND institute last month.
Maybe Autism Diva needs to start a clothing line?
“private hospitals in scotland who do chelation” ack! that one was from the UK
“stupidity epidemic america” (hmmm)
“mikita brottman” heh.
“is hand flapping only autism”
answer: no, people flap their hands to get them dry sometimes.
Not that funny, but interesting. Hopefully the person looking for hospitals in Scotland for chelation will stop looking unless they really are lead or cadmium poisoned.