Isabelle Stapleton is an autistic teenager. Thankfully we get to say “is” as, you see, her mother tried to kill Isabelle (“Issy” to her friends). The mother took her daughter to a remote area and lit two charcoal grills in her van so that the carbon monoxide would poison them both.
It has been reported that at times Isabelle has been violent. Keep in mind most of those reports seem to source back to the mother, the mother who tried to kill her. I’m not trying to downplay Isabelle’s struggles. Some in our community have very great needs.
“Dr. Phil” has interviewed Isabllele’s mother. People Magazine has a story up on it. Whenever these stories go online I cringe. Rarely are they handled well. And I cringe even more at the comments I know will be there.
One can just bet that many comments will take the form, “no one should kill her child…..but…..”
There is no “but” in this. No one should commit murder. No parent should kill her child. Full stop. Period. “But” does not apply.
Variants of this are “don’t judge her” and “until you walk in her shoes”.
“Judge” means to form an opinion.
For those who write that: the mother tried to kill her daughter. I will form an opinion about this–this is wrong. I don’t have to “walk in her shoes” to say that. Why won’t you form an opinion? Why does her daughter’s disability have anything to do with forming this opinion?
Just in case you are wondering: I did purposely write this without mentioning the mother’s name. The mother is not the story. When autistics have been murdered in the past there have been news stories that never mention the name of the victim.
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By Matt Carey
Left Brain Right Brain 
This is a great post to refer people to when they say that we can’t judge until we’ve walked in the shoes of parents like Kelli Stapleton:
http://www.thinkingautismguide.com/2014/01/here-try-on-some-of-my-shoes.html
I read Shannon’s article that you linked to and was excellent as is this. Yeah, I’ll judge and also judge the people (unfavourably) who make excuses for harms of disabled people perpetrated by caregivers.
And there is also the unfortunate tie-in with the topic you covered on Sep 4th, Nazi Germany Action T4. It is worth nothing how it all started – not by some remote Nazi paper-pusher’s order but on parent’s request…
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gerhard_Kretschmar
So, you are right, no “buts” here…
I’m really upset that so many of the comments on the People Magazine blog are sympathetic to Issy’s mother, who attempted to murder her child.
Every State has crisis intervention staff who are very competent to offer respite care, and foster care for parents who may be burned out. It is a far different situation, than the situation that existed when my son was born with a rare genetic disorder and autistic-like behaviors…not autism, 38 years ago, when resources for parent/caregivers were scant or non-existent.
There is no excuse, no situation, no justification, for that woman to snuff out her daughter’s life.
Essentially I agree with :there are no buts” except when there is a tragic accident. An unintentional act is different than an intentional act. There are no buts when there is intention. I, unfortunately, personally know of a tragic accident that led to a parent killing their child. Not murder but an accident. That parent could not live with the grief.
Buts are precursors to all sorts of dangerous dumbassery!
Here’s a ‘but’ sentence you might like: Mothers should never kill their children, but neither should fathers or other legal guardians.