Brutality for a burden

23 Nov

A Bronx man overwhelmed by what he called the ‘burden’ of his 12-year-old son’s autism killed the boy Wednesday morning by slashing his throat — then confessed to police when they got to his apartment, police sources said. ‘I just couldn’t take it anymore,’ Jose Stable, 40, said, according to the sources. ‘My son is just a handful. ‘He’s a burden.’

‘I have terminated the life of my autistic child,’ Police Commissioner Ray Kelly quoted the father saying.

The father also told police that his friends had encouraged him to kill his son, telling him the boy had no hope for getting better, sources said.

Stable blamed the boy for his stalled career and financial woes. He also said he had attended culinary school, but had to put his career plans aside to care for Ulysses.

Louise, 41, who baby-sits for her daughter’s children in the building, recalled an incident in an elevator when the boy aggressively greeted her, making physical contact. The father reacted by banging the boy against the elevator wall several times, she said. ‘I could feel the anger and sense the anger from him,’ Louise Cassetta said.

The father, who is unemployed, has 10 arrests on his record, two for assault and eight that are sealed, police said.

Source.

This autistic child’s name was Ulysses Stable.

Some people consider their kids to be gifts, given to them to cherish, nurture and raise. Some people, it seems, see them as the reason they have no career – and indeed attach importance to their career over their kids. Some people consider them ‘burdens’. Some people like to knock their kids around. Bully them and castigate them.

After a year in which Ulysses is the sixth autistic child to be killed by a loved one, I can no longer even summon up the rage I felt after Katie’s death, after Marcus’ death, after Christopher’s death, after Ryan’s death, after William’s death. All I have left is a deep sadness and pity for these children.

What is going wrong in our culture that these things are happening? A parent cold bloodedly deciding to kill their own child. How? Why?

38 Responses to “Brutality for a burden”

  1. Bartholomew Cubbins November 23, 2006 at 20:25 #

    What is going wrong in our culture that these things are happening?

    Agreed.
    Me, me, me. This blind arrogance is a poison. I can’t abide it.

  2. LB November 23, 2006 at 20:45 #

    I bet his other victims in his arrests were to blame too.

  3. Ms Clark November 23, 2006 at 22:03 #

    I agree with BC, it’s a “me-first” culture thing. It’s also left-overs of a more openly eugenic culture. Some of the rage at autistic kids is that people see them only as tax-sucking burdens, and the parents can either feel
    a) merely guilty for producing one of them,
    b)tell society to take a flying leap with their stinking attitudes,
    or
    c) take a more “proactive approach” and say, “I hate this kid as much as any taxpayer does. I don’t know why or how I got stuck with it. I never wanted to produce a tax-sucking burden. IT’S NOT MY FAULT!! I tell you I hate *it* as much as any red blooded tax-payer does!!”

    I feel that last message coming from some of the moms on the Autism Every Day video, “Don’t hate *me*, it’s not my fault my kid is autistic.”

    You can see how Ullyses’ father blames the child for his not having a career. It’s about money. The father could be a more productive tax-payer if he didn’t have the awful burden of an autistic child. It couldn’t be that the father was just a lout who had trouble with employment in general (if that is the case).

    It’s like the handicapped and elderly are sacrificed on the alter of expediency and profit making.

    Poor Ulysses. I’m glad he isn’t being pushed around any more.

  4. Kev November 23, 2006 at 23:59 #

    The most chilling thing I’ve read about this is this bit: _”The father also told police that his friends had encouraged him to kill his son”_

    His *friends* (!?) had encouraged him to kill his boy. I’m just flabbergasted by that.

  5. Ms. Clark November 24, 2006 at 00:46 #

    I wondered if his friends really did say that though. It sounds to me more like he’s trying to justify what he did. Maybe people say things like that, but I don’t think so.

  6. Joseph November 24, 2006 at 02:12 #

    I read somewhere else that ‘demons’ were advising that. Admitedly, when I first read his friends had advised him to kill the child, I’d rather not say what I thought about where they got that idea from.

  7. Joel Smith November 24, 2006 at 03:49 #

    Ms. Clark,

    I don’t think it’s simply about money. I think that oversimplifies the enemy here.

    For instance, I have a job. But money is one of the least reasons I have the job – I get a lot of satisfaction in my work, and feel it gives me a bit of purpose. It’s possible for someone to (wrongly) hold resentment towards a child because of their lack of a career – without the motivation being money.

    In fact, I think the economic burden is only a very minor factor in the current eugenic movement. It’s about “caring” (ending suffering in the victim) and the right for a “normal child” (I.E. one that lets the parent talk to other parents about soccer games and dating) along with the thought that some people won’t notice and/or care if they were murdered. Money alone is not going to cause many deaths right now, but the caring and feeling of entitlement to have a “normal” child certainly do. It ties significantly into the current “dignified” end of life movement.

    We’re best off fighting *that*, not fighting a strawman based on scarcity of resources which may have motivated people in Nazi Germany but does not motivate people the same way in western society today (since, for one, we don’t have the scarcity of resources that Germany had post WWI). Sure, I’m not saying that society is incapable of revisiting that line of reasoning again, but I think the eugenics movement is using an different motivation to gain popular acceptance than simply talking about the cost of autism. In fact, the cost of autism is used almost always not as an argument to kill people but rather for early intervention and ABA and such (not that this is good either, but there is a qualitative difference between that and murder).

  8. LB November 24, 2006 at 04:56 #

    If someone is not inclined to be very compassionate than there are lots of excuses they can try and claim to justify eugenics. I really think overall though – even if the average person is not aware of it – those promoting eugenics are manipulating the public by using various excuses as a smokescreen for just wanting to get rid of people they consider undesirable in their utopias. Besides the disabled, the mentally ill and poor also have been candidates for such things.

  9. Ms. Clark November 24, 2006 at 05:19 #

    John Best Jr. is over on Joseph’s blog explaining how expensive his son is to support and how much of that expense the government is paying.

    I don’t think murder of a child is all about money, but I think it’s part of some of the neurotic attitude coming even from parents who DON’t kill their kids. I don’t think there’s a scarcity of resources but here in California there’s a real pressure to make everyone self supporting and to boot all the burdens off the backs of the taxpayers.

    Another theme I’ve seen is the “my son isn’t the football player I wanted.” That’s a theme one of the founding fathers of the MIND repeats. He bought a little football uniform for his son at his birth and mourns that his son wasn’t going to be a real football player. In that case the kid is just a general disappointment, dad dreamed of having someone to brag about with his buddies and lost that (at least for that kid).

    It’s also about parents not having a kid that is easy to care for, easy to put into day care and easy to move out of the house at age 18. People have their little lives planned out. “When Marsha is 5 she’ll be in school half a day and I’ll do thus and such to advance my career. When she’s 7 she’ll be in Brownies after school and I’ll be able to travel again for my job and by the time she’s 9 I’ll be vice president of marketing. When she’s 17 she’ll be applying for college and I’ll be president of the company…” Some parents are freaked about their kids messing with their careers and leisure plans.

    I imagine there are a few evil parents who just might enjoy the idea of harming their kids… so maybe it’s more straightforward than eugenics.

  10. Donna November 24, 2006 at 14:06 #

    After a year in which Ulysses is the sixth autistic child to be killed by a loved one, I can no longer even summon up the rage I felt after Katie’s death, after Marcus’ death, after Christopher’s death, after Ryan’s death, after William’s death. All I have left is a deep sadness and pity for these children.

    Perhaps use your blog with what is wrong in the system….?

    A teenager gets pregnant, has the baby, can go to any hospital (U.S.) or police station (U.S.)and give unwanted baby with no questions asked.

    Perhaps something like this policy needs to be in place for a parent overwhelmed and in crisis mode with an autistic child?

    Do have a question for you? Why does the autism hub not equally post on the autistic deaths from drowning, or crossing the street….you know the autistic deaths every year because an autistic child wanders off into a dangerous situation? Why no outrage or blogs on the autism hub for the autistic children we can’t somehow mangage to keep alive to begin to teach them life skills this year?

    Does not the autism hub care about these deaths? Or is death only important a topic when a family member is involved?

  11. Kev November 24, 2006 at 15:09 #

    Hi Donna:

    _”Perhaps something like this policy needs to be in place for a parent overwhelmed and in crisis mode with an autistic child?”_

    Good idea. Social Services in the UK are supposed to do something like this but I have no idea if its ever actually done.

    _”Do have a question for you? Why does the autism hub not equally post on the autistic deaths from drowning, or crossing the street….you know the autistic deaths every year because an autistic child wanders off into a dangerous situation? Why no outrage or blogs on the autism hub for the autistic children we can’t somehow mangage to keep alive to begin to teach them life skills this year?”_

    That’s a fair question, but you must understand that the Hub is just a collection of individual blogs. I can only speak for my reasons for blogging, not every other members.

    For me, there are numerous reasons, none of which are due to indifference to these deaths. Firstly, I don’t get to hear about all these deaths. A few times this year I’ve seen forum (and blog) posts about autistic kids have died from natural causes or accidental deaths long after the death actually occurred. Secondly, an accidental death is tragic and they always affect me, when I hear about them, but I’m always so shocked by a murder that I feel a need to not let it pass without some form of comment.

    But you’re right, death of an autistic – whether intentional or accidental – is something that shouldn’t be unaddressed. I know Kristina blogs about these things.

    _”Does not the autism hub care about these deaths? Or is death only important a topic when a family member is involved?”_

    I think death is an important topic, definitely, and I think you’re right to ask why I only seem to cover murder.

  12. Donna November 24, 2006 at 16:08 #

    is something that shouldn’t be unaddressed.

    I think you need to get more bloggers. Maybe even some bloggers that cover issues that don’t seem to be addressed on the hub!

    Yes it’s important the chelation/enzymes/supplements issue, but it is no longer important when it becomes the essential issue of most bloggers on the hub, and as a result blogs that should be written and brought to the attention of EVERYONE in the autism community aren’t even WRITTEN about, therefore problems that do have solutions can be addressed.

    The autism hub can be a good thing as opposed to a just more of the same thing written over and over and over again.

    Solutions are overlooked and that is sad too. People need direction sometimes but that is what is the most missing in the autism community.

    Thanks for the reply.

  13. Kev November 24, 2006 at 17:25 #

    Well, I’m having to be careful with adding bloggers unfortunately. My scripts are creaking at the seams a bit and I have to think long and hard before adding someone new.

    Chelation etc is only a fraction of what the Hub members discuss. I’ve read about education, ABA, thanksgiving (we’ve a lot of US bloggers!), the NAS, debunking the costs of autism, debunking of autism myths like the lack of friends, what films are good right now, politics, news about a members job – quite a disparate list :o)

  14. aspungen November 24, 2006 at 19:33 #

    Donna, please get real?! There is a big difference between a murder and accidents. Accidents are tragic of course. But murder is something way different from accidents. I am amazed that you can’t see that. And I have to ask you about what you meen with “life skills”.

    /Aspungen, Swedish asperger and ADHD blogger.

  15. Ms. Clark November 24, 2006 at 21:58 #

    We rarely hear about children who die from accidents. Those deaths are less likely to be covered by the NYT, they only rarely get discussed among the mercury parents.

    One thing I think should be pointed out is that SOME certainly not all but SOME “accidental” deaths are probably parents deliberately not watching their children in the hopes that the child will die.

    The “Autism’s Angels” article in Town & Country had a couple of parents admitting that they had thought about leaving a gate open so that their son would go off and drown and be out of their hair for good. They admitted to having that idea. Think of how many parents may have actually carried it out. Not hundreds a year, but maybe a few per year. I remember reading about a three year old who the police found wandering a few blocks from home in the middle of an intersection… at the time I wondered if the mom had let the kid out of the house and didn’t go looking for him, deliberately.

    Again, this is not to say that all children who drown are dead because their parents wanted it that way.

  16. Donna November 24, 2006 at 23:20 #

    My scripts

    Here is a basic script that you find in 99% of autism articles or newsfeeds…

    Autism is a neurological and developmental disorder affecting about one in 200 children in the United States. It impairs the ability to communicate etc.

    Agree with me?

    Terms like “neurodiversity” or “condition” are coined and the general public picks up these words and then tends to use them til they become common words.

    That is where the autism hub comes in and the influence it can have with Joe Public.

    Before voicing their outrage on the various blogs here the last two days, it should have been stressed first and foremost in each blog, that “if any parent/caregiver is feeling overwhelmed with any crisis going on at home, call your local family crisis center or your local police dept and get the help and support you need and a temporary safe place for your ALIVE child.”

    Every time a child is murdered and you want to blog about it, get that info out so you can save another child tomorrow or next year or the year after.

    All it takes is one person to write the above and other bloggers to read it and say hey wait maybe next time I should write that first, then the autism community stresses it and then finally the newsfeeds do.

    Just one person starts the idea and gets the ball rolling.

  17. Kev November 24, 2006 at 23:49 #

    _”Here is a basic script that you find in 99% of autism articles or newsfeeds…”_

    I think we’re talking at slight cross-purposes. When I say ‘my scripts’ I’m referring to the code that provides the functionality of the hub.

    _”Before voicing their outrage on the various blogs here the last two days, it should have been stressed first and foremost in each blog, that “if any parent/caregiver is feeling overwhelmed with any crisis going on at home, call your local family crisis center or your local police dept and get the help and support you need and a temporary safe place for your ALIVE child.””_

    _”Just one person starts the idea and gets the ball rolling.”_

    I’m afraid I don’t agree with you Donna. Surely everyone knows of the existence of these groups. Everyone knows its wrong to kill someone. I believe that a responsible reaction to things like this is not to try and educate people who really have no excuse for not knowing this stuff already but to make sure that utter horror and distaste is expressed, lest society at large gets the impression all parents of autistic kids desire their deaths or that it is in any way an understandable or forgiveable reaction.

  18. Joseph November 24, 2006 at 23:50 #

    Before voicing their outrage on the various blogs here the last two days, it should have been stressed first and foremost in each blog, that “if any parent/caregiver is feeling overwhelmed with any crisis going on at home, call your local family crisis center or your local police dept and get the help and support you need and a temporary safe place for your ALIVE child.”

    I like the idea of outlining some actual steps parents in similar situations can take to prevent a tragedy. Unfortunately, I don’t think the options are that good. Is foster care a good option, considering Marcus Fiesel?

  19. Donna November 25, 2006 at 01:29 #

    Unfortunately, I don’t think the options are that good. Is foster care a good option, considering Marcus Fiesel?

    I will choose life.

    Is is better to be an alive autistic or another dead autistic statistic?

    Not sure what the number of deaths is before this should be pointed out? Do just this years deaths with family involvment count? How bout last’s years victims? Or the year before? What about the previous decade?

    Not sure what the number of deaths is for people to care.

  20. Joel Smith November 25, 2006 at 03:11 #

    Foster care (possible death, albeit rare – there are a lot of foster kids), institutions (possible death, I’m not sure how it compares to fostering but I suspect it is more likely to result in death), and whatever else are bad choices.

    One could take some bad foster parents and say that the foster parent system results in death. Or one could do the same with non-foster parents of autistics. I don’t buy that.

    I’ll add that I think the best way to improve the foster system is to encourage good parents to become foster parents.

    All that said, a 100% chance of death is worse than any possible, but not certain, action resulting perhaps in death. So I’d take being put in foster care any day over being murdered.

    I *have* blogged about this, too. I suggest child abandonment as an alternative to murder (note by abandonment I suggest hospitals and police stations, not exposure). Yes, there are penalties for that. Yes, it’s bad for everyone involved. But it’s better than murder. I’m also very serious when I say anyone who needs immediate help can let me know and *I* will do whatever I can – up to and including driving across the US to pick up the child and take the child somewhere safe, such as my own home – even if it means I’ll lose my job in the process. That’s how serious I consider this. And, I’m not the only one.

  21. some people are evil November 25, 2006 at 07:48 #

    How many people read all the autism-hub blogs put together? Compare that to how many people read Autism Speaks, the ASA website, ARI and NAA and the rest of the non-blogs (in the United States in this case).

    I’m assuming that Autism Speaks having all the access to television ads and cereal boxes etc. gets a massive amount of traffic more than the autism hub. The only message regarding parents wanting to kill their kids I’ve seen on that site is that it’s OK to think about killing your kid, and maybe it’s even admirable to talk about killing your child in front of your child.

    I don’t know if ASA has a page for parents who are totally stressed, even if they do, it’s not necessarily going to help parents who are flat out evil. Some of these murders are so sicko, not like the parent lost his or her temper and pushed the kid and he accidently bumped his head and died. The father in Washington DC seemed to have killed his son in sudden rage, but the others were planned, and really twisted and sickening.

    A psycho doesn’t care if it’s possible to leave a child at a hospital. And it’s *not* the responsibility of bloggers to make psychos think right.

  22. Kev November 25, 2006 at 08:03 #

    _”I don’t know if ASA has a page for parents who are totally stressed, even if they do, it’s not necessarily going to help parents who are flat out evil.”_

    Agreed. Lets not forget this particular guy seemed to use violence to ‘solve his problems’ on a regular basis.

  23. Donna November 25, 2006 at 13:29 #

    And it’s not the responsibility of bloggers to make psychos think right.

    I disagree!

    Let’s talk facts! What’s the avg time spent in jail for killing your autistic family member? How many didn’t even serve time? How many did more then ten years in jail? Seriously folks the number is so small you only need one hand to do the math!

    So let’s have more of the same. Next month or next year every newsfeed that comes out, let’s blog our outrage, let’s write about the evil parents, let’s put all the focus on the bad people who killed their kids.

    It’s just another dead autistic!

    In the year, 2011, an autistic kid will die and Kevin can post his outrage! Because it wasn’t his responsibility to point out that every time he blogs on a murdered autistic child other solutions are available. He did his thing. He posted his outrage.

    One can only hope that in 5 years or however many years that the realization will occur, outrage is not enough.

    Alive children are more important then outrage and shifting responsibility to the next person.

  24. Joel Smith November 25, 2006 at 16:14 #

    If you want children alive, you’ll talk about (1) that it’s wrong to murder them (believe it or not, a great amount of time the reason the murderers get no or little prison time is that the criminal justice system doesn’t agree it’s wrong to murder an autistic – so showing outrage *is* a key step, as parents *do* need to know this is wrong) and (2) how society’s supports MUST NOT include accepting and validating feelings of murder.

    I’ve done a lot of reading on murders of autistic people, and I truly believe most murder because (1) they see themselves as heroes for having an autistic child, thus no one else could possibly care for the child (they use your argument against foster care for instance as a reason to kill the kid themselves), (2) they didn’t get *exactly* the support they wanted, so they decided their kid is better off dead, and (3) because they felt they needed to end their child’s “suffering.”

    Most are premeditated. That gives plenty of time to look for options.

    But clearly you are a troll, and I apologize to everyone else – especially anyone who cared about Ulysses – for allowing myself to be drawn into this. Donna, you can have last word.

  25. Kev November 25, 2006 at 18:08 #

    _”In the year, 2011, an autistic kid will die and Kevin can post his outrage! Because it wasn’t his responsibility to point out that every time he blogs on a murdered autistic child other solutions are available.”_

    I think you’re missing the point. Yes, other solutions are available – who doesn’t know this? Are you suggesting that these killers didn’t know? I find that impossible to believe.

    I agree with Joel that it is imperative to show society that killing disabled people can never, ever be ‘understood’ or encouraged.

  26. laurentius-rex November 25, 2006 at 20:42 #

    two things to say, (perhaps more by the time my fingers have finished there compulsive dance on the keyboard)

    Firstly accidental vs deliberate deaths. The death of a child is always to be regretted, but there is a difference between murder, and neglect, and accident. The degree of culpability changes between each, in the first it is deliberate, malicious, in the second culpable and sometimes deliberate but in the third there is often no one person responsible, from the landowner who did not fence a pond to the parent who was not looking when the child got out, to the citizens abroad who did not see the missing child who ran right past them.

    As for the influence of us here in the Blogosphere, I don’t think we have very much at all, which is why I am part of the NAS because that is where I can have the biggest influence and make the biggest difference.

    That being said I think that ASA is totally a lost cause, having seen the bio-medical slant of most publicity they put out. It seems to me to be a totally different focus, it is as if folks in the USA don’t care what happens to autistic kids, they only care that they are not amenable to being made normal and see that as the tragedy, not the lack of appropriate care or services.

    That is the difference between the ridiculous Autism Bill in the USA and the UK, I could not imagine such a Bill ever getting anywhere in the UK, whereas I can imagine (at least hope for) government initiatives that help autistic people directly in the mainstream of society, on the top of the Clapham omnibus and in the supermarket.

  27. Donna November 26, 2006 at 15:43 #

    Yes, other solutions are available – who doesn’t know this?

    Autistic children! Your’s and my daughter’s peers! Their PEERS who are DEAD.

    Justify anyway you want how you determine what type of autistic death is worth your blogging about. Justify that your outrage is the most important content to your blogging.

    And 50 or so words from you everytime you blog about an autistic murdered child and reiterating over and over and over, as many times as it takes, to get it out there, is that there are other solutions, is asking to much from you.

    Your OUTRAGE over their deaths by a family member is the CONTENT you CHOOSE to make most IMPORTANT!

    And asking one blogger, the owner of this site to boot, to type an additional few words is apparently asking too much every time he blogs his outrage on whatever death he feels to be worthy of writing about.

    Autistic children don’t know! Yet they are the ones who die.

    50 or so words from you is asking for the moon. Your part of the problem.

    Here endth the lesson.

  28. Kev November 26, 2006 at 20:01 #

    _”Autistic children! Your’s and my daughter’s peers! Their PEERS who are DEAD.”_

    Donna, that’s just silly. How can an autistic child be accountable for their mistreatment at the hands of a parent?

    _”And 50 or so words from you everytime you blog about an autistic murdered child and reiterating over and over and over, as many times as it takes, to get it out there, is that there are other solutions, is asking to much from you.”_

    There is only one other solution – not murdering one’s child. I’m sorry, I simply don’t believe that these murderers don’t know about social services, the police, the NAS, the ASA – whatever. Attempting to paint this as a non-advertised error about services is doing a grave disservice to the murdered child in my opinion.

    _”And asking one blogger, the owner of this site to boot, to type an additional few words is apparently asking too much every time he blogs his outrage on whatever death he feels to be worthy of writing about.”_

    We have a responsibility to be very very careful about seeming to say that murder is about a lack of services, or lack of knowledge about services. Those are excuses trotted out by the murderers.

    Might I suggest that if you feel this strongly about it you start your own blog? You can get a free blog at Blogger or WordPress.

  29. Kassiane November 27, 2006 at 08:49 #

    …I’m not quite sure what options we can say ARE available, given that calling CPS gets you a “well, autistic kids are hard to look after, I’m sure the parents are doing the best they can” pat on the head when you have, uh, video evidence of premeditation.

    Pretty much all we’ve got is spreading the word that “there’s a soul in there and autism is only hell if you make it hell”, and that if you really can’t cope, making available contact info for people who are willing to come get the kids and keep them safe for a short period of time, and CPS info so that they can be made safe for a long period of time. But then parents may be giving up parental rights (since that’s kind of abandonment, especially if they ask me to come get their kid in the winter, I live in Montana and it snows buckets here, I’m pretty sure Joel, above, gets nasty winters too) and they may be hesitant about THAT.

    So we are in a no win situation, where really, all we CAN do is yell loud enough and hope someone gets the outrage. We don’t get free PSAs or cereal boxes or people doing benifits for US. We get infantilized and vilified, when we aren’t being physically and verbally attacked.

  30. M November 28, 2006 at 15:31 #

    http://www.guardian.co.uk/crime/article/0,,1939881,00.html
    (left a similar comment elsewhere). You can see the same things happening here – the anger, the lack of control (though aimed against the child, rather than the mother), the previous history of domestic abuse etc.

  31. Ballastexistenz November 28, 2006 at 15:39 #

    Donna, you strike me as getting justifiably pissed off at various stuff that happens, and then throwing random large, blunt objects at whoever happens to be in your vicinity, whether the choice of objects to throw or the choice of targets makes any sense.

  32. Mike November 28, 2006 at 16:59 #

    Certainly enough opprotunity has been given to allow people to say whatever they feel needs to be said about this issue. Just say it. There is no need to blame others for not saying what is on your mind.

    Mr. Stable knew how to find the police after the fact. If only he had walked in there with his knife before killing his son and said “help, I may hurt a loved one”. Perhaps there would have been a different outcome? He choose not to do that. Perhaps he didn’t see his son as a loved one?

  33. Mary December 3, 2006 at 13:00 #

    “Everyone knows about social services etc etc etc”

    Uh, no. They don’t. I didn’t, for starters. Perhaps I am simply the most unaware person on the entire planet and EVERY other person apart from me knew about it and I was the ONLY person who didn’t. But I doubt it.

    Someone has be the first to tell a person that these services exist. The more these services are documented, the more people will know about them.

    They also need reassurance that going to social services/the police/whoever and saying “aargh, I am not coping, please help me, take my child off my hands for a day,” is NOT going to result in all their children being taken away permanently. This is a very real fear that a lot of parents, even of children who are deemed “completely normal” have – that if they ask for help of any kind they are going to be investigated and assumed to be incapable and risk losing their children.

    That said, I agree that in this case the guy (he doesn’t merit the title “father”) was probably the sort of violent moron who wouldn’t have been helped.

  34. Ms. Clark December 4, 2006 at 01:36 #

    It’s a big world out there. I have no idea how well “services” for stressed-out parents are advertised or delivered, or if they even exist everywhere. But generally someone has a friend they could call if they were losing it. If they don’t have a friend, they might not be able to trust anyone with their child. If they are thinking about killing a child, it’s not likely that they’d hold back from calling someone out of fear of losing the child to the system.

    I suppose a more likely scenario would be a parent who is desperately tired, stressed and feels hopeless and decides to get stoned or drunk or just ups and leaves her kids. A situation like that is bad, but it seems like a mom might call to get some help if she knew it was there.

  35. Cricket December 4, 2006 at 16:51 #

    I have an autistic son who is 13. I am very blessed that he is in my life. That said, there are many people who are frustrated with autistic children and discriminate against them.

    Our son is gentle. We have modeled correct behavior for him, as well as allowed him to have a pet. The biggest
    challenge is not to see the autistic person as a burden but to do all we can to help them…sometimes they are the litmus whereby we are tested.

    I do not believe in a vindictive God. I believe that He sent us our lad to teach us and see if we will love him and care for him as we would our normal children.

    I know my son. He is a tease, loves to read, be read to, sings, plays music and
    has a voracious appetite.

    Yes, there are some behaviors we are working on with the help of a counselor, but I would NEVER give up on him. Neither would my husband or our children.

    It is a lack of love and total selfishness. The father has a previous record of assaults, with EIGHT of them being sealed? Try the creep for murder and lock him up.

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  2. Pierres Service » Blog Archive » Brutality for a burden - November 29, 2006

    […] A Bronx man overwhelmed by what he called the ‘burdenÂ’ of his 12-year-old … ‘HeÂ’sa burden.Â’ ‘I have terminated the life of my autistic child,Â’ … Some people consider them ‘burdensÂ’. Some people like to knock their kids around. …Read more: here […]

  3. Pierres Service » Blog Archive » Brutality for a burden - November 29, 2006

    […] Brutality for a burden A Bronx man overwhelmed by what he called the ‘burdenÂ’ of his 12-year-old … ‘HeÂ’sa burden.Â’ ‘I have terminated the life of my autistic child,Â’ … Some people consider them ‘burdensÂ’. Some people like to knock their kids around. …Read more: here […]

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