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Grandmas

29 Sep

I spoke recently about Grandad’s and how Nat’s Grandad, Katie’s Grandad and Megan’s Grandad all helped their kids and their grandkids just through being there and accepting. Grandads bring calm and perspective.

What about Grandmas?

Its no exaggeration to say that without Naomi’s mum we would’ve been sunk a long time ago. In so many ways she has helped us and therefore helped Meg. She was calm when we were stressed. She brought food when our freezer broke, she used to pick me up from work sometimes. She comes over at least two or three times a week to help Naomi educate Meg and look after Tabby. All day. Not just for an hour or so.

Whenever she goes shopping she buys presents for the girls. Just a little something so that they know she’s thinking of them and indirectly that we know she’s thinking of them too. When we went through our bad period with Megan’s school last year she was there to listen. She made sure we knew she was outraged on our behalf. She understands exactly when the right time to approach Meg is and when the right time to leave her alone is. When Meg was diagnosed she kept reminding us in silent ways that Megan was who she was. She bought her nice clothes. She bought her toys that she knew Megan would like (toys that spun mostly;o) ) and always treasured and valued her. Long before we came to terms with the fact Megan was autistic and that that wasn’t a bad thing, her Grandma had. She reminded us that having children is not a right but a privilege but she never did it in a way that made us feel bad. She led by example.

Some people never get awards, or knighthoods or recognition and these are people who usually richly deserve that very recognition. Naomi’s mum hasn’t solved world hunger or absolved the debt of developing nations or found a cure for cancer but she is a hero to us. I said once of Mike McCarron’s relationship with Katie and now Meg that everyone should have such a Grandad. I’d extend that to Naomi’s mum – everyone should have such a Grandma. We love her very much.

Grandads

27 Sep

After the murder of Katie, one of the things that shone through clearest of all in news reports and in blog comments sections and most of all in my private correspondance with him was the unquestioning love and total acceptance Mike has for Katie. My family nd Mike’s have swapped pictures of each other and in one of the many of the McCarron’s we have had printed and framed is a picture of Katie sitting on Mike’s knee. The expression on Mike’s face is something to behold. It is total and utter pride and happiness. He’s looking at his beautiful granddaughter, not the camera.

Another picture Mike sent us was one of the extended McCarron clan holding up a sign with a message for Megan, their newest granddaughter, on it. The message is private, the act one of pure unquestioning acceptance and love.

Megan’s other granddad is a Captain for British Airways. A quiet, reserved, very British man he personifies the unflappable Englishman in all he does and says. His life is one of quiet pragmatism in all matters. Except when it comes to his granddaughters. For Megan he recently walked the streets of New York covering a distance of fifteen blocks searching for a toy that Amazon.com did not carry because he knew that Meg would get a lot out of it. He should’ve been resting between flights but elected to sacrifice that time for his granddaughter who he dotes on.

Today I read an entry from Susan which demonstrates once more what grandparents can do to help their children and grandchildren. The poem Susan wrote is very very good. The picture she posted of her Dad and her son exchanging a look of mutual love is pure gold.

Understanding autism

25 Sep

Understanding Autism article (917kb).

I was asked by a journalist from Action Network if I would write an account of our lives with Megan and what role autism played in our family which I was happy to do. I elected to write about our familial transition from grief to acceptance and how it had benefited Meg’s progress (and ours) tremendously.

They did a bit of judicious editing (I have a tendency to waffle on occasion) and (oddly) described this site as a ‘company’ but its a good article and I’m thankful to Action Network for giving me the opportunity to speak about my favourite subject – one of my kids – without fear of encountering a stream of abuse directed towards her.

Better Late Than Never

12 Sep

Joseph meme-clobbered me with a book meme awhile ago. This is a serious thing as I love books. Fiction, Non-Fiction, prose, poetry – love it all. I had to think long and hard about this.

One book that changed my life

Fiction: Lord of the Rings. My mum read it to me and my brother when we were kids and I was utterly captivated by the depth and strangeness of it all. It sparked a life long (so far) deep abiding affection for fantasy, sci-fi and horror novels and films. Its one of the books I re-read at least once a year.

Non-Fiction: HTML 4 For the World Wide Web by the wonderful Liz Castro. Up to this point I’d been flashturbating like crazy. This book changed my whole approach to web development.

One book that you’ve read more than once

Fiction: The Dune series (not the shitty new ones just the Frank Herbert ones). These are the only works of fiction I know that even approach Tolkien for depth and pure story telling. The first in the series is as close to perfection as a book can get.

Non-Fiction: Simon Schama’s History of Britain Book II: The British Wars – It’s Tudor-tastic!

One book you’d want on a desert island

Sorry, this is silly. One book? I refuse to divulge anything less than a top five. I would recommend everyone has these books.

1) Koko by Peter Straub (probably the best chiller/horror ever written. Classy, reserved, menacing).
2) Flashman and The Dragon by George MacDonald Fraser (if you ever need cheering up Flashy will do it. He’s a literary character – from Tom Browns School Days – placed in Victorian Britain at the height of the Empire. Coward, bastard, rake, hero, poltroon).
3) Only Forward by Michael Marshall Smith. Better known for his ‘Straw Men’ series of chillers, this is an innovative and witty sci-fi. His first published novel.
4) The Shining by Stephen King. His best book IMO. I still can’t look at the numbers 217 without shivering.
5) Fever Pitch by Nick Hornby. A book of empathy. I gave it to my wife to try and explain why football matters. She loved the book but still thinks footy’s crap.

One book that made you laugh

All the Flashman book by George MacDonald Fraser. Seriously, buy one. Read it. You won’t regret it. Oh yeah – Catch 22 as well.

One book that made you cry

OK, here’s where I reveal my inner big girls blouse: Little Women had me in bits.

One book you wish you had written

None really. Pleasure is in the reading.

One book you wish had never been written

Can’t think of anything bad enough to warrant never having been written.

One book you’re currently reading

Fiction: The Last Witchfinder by James Morrow. Great book for skeptics ;o)

Non-Fiction: Designing Visual Interfaces: Communication Oriented Techniques by Kevin Mullet

One book you’ve been meaning to read

The Design of Sites: Principles, Processes and Patterns for Crafting a Customer-centered Web Experience by Douglas K.Van Duyne is top of my Amazon Wish List :o)

Indefensible And Unprotested

26 Jun

The McCarron family and the Leitch family have become close over the last few weeks. We have never met. We have never heard each others voices. We have only seen pictures of each other and communicated by email but in that communication has been a sharing of warmth, emotion and desire to connect such as some people never seem to get in their lives. We have swapped addresses as well as photos and they know should they ever want to come to the UK they have a home here. We know that the reverse is true also.

And yet I wish it wasn’t so. A part of me heartily wishes I’d never spoken with Mike. I’m sure he feels the same. This is because of the circumstances that led to us meeting. The murder of his granddaughter, Katie McCarron. If I could ensure a return to life in the arms of her dad, sister and grandparents by swapping that for the friendship of one of the kindest, bravest families I’ve ever met then I would do it in an heartbeat.

Mike refuses to see Katie portrayed as a burden, or as someone in pain. This is because she wasn’t. He also refuses to let people directly or indirectly attempt to absolve Katie’s killer by making murder the responsibility of an uncaring society. This is because it wasn’t. It was murder.

Recently, Stephen Drake of Not Dead Yet, wrote a press release calling for restraint when reporting these kind of murders – i.e. murders of disabled kids.

Researcher Dick Sobsey has documented an increase in the murders of children by their parents in Canada in relation to well-publicized and sympathetic coverage of the murders of children with disabilities. Articles about the alleged murder of a person with a disability should not contain more about the disability than about the victim as a person. More space should be devoted to grieving family members than sympathetic friends of the accused killer.

And yet, yesterday, the Chicago Tribune released a piece of journalism that can be best described as callow.

The piece starts off by portraying members of the mercury/autism connection as the inheritors of the sort of stigma that those who actually were persecuted by Bettlehiem underwent:

It has been nearly 50 years since mothers shouldered the blame for their children’s autism. Yet for many parents, echoes of that painful era remain……

In the 1950s and ’60s, the medical community accepted University of Chicago psychoanalyst Bruno Bettelheim’s assessment that “refrigerator mothers”–those with a supposedly cold, unloving demeanor–brought on their children’s disorder.

Although we now know that autism is a neurological disorder and not the result of bad parenting, the exact cause remains a mystery.

Many parents, however, are convinced they’ve found the answer. And most experts are on the opposing side.

Indeed, few medical battles are more charged than that between parents who believe mercury in their children’s vaccines brought on autism and the medical establishment that has found no evidence to support that claim.

Where the ground really starts to shift is the next association made – that it was this society induced guilt that led poor heroic Karen McCarron into killing her vaccine-injured ‘heavy toll’ inducing daughter.

Some who knew McCarron through her work with an autism support group say the physician blamed herself for allowing her daughter to be vaccinated, and feared that the available remedies wouldn’t make enough of an improvement to her daughter’s quality of life. Others suggest that perhaps working among other doctors skeptical of the vaccine connection created an emotional tug of war for McCarron

I think I know Mike well enough now to be absolutely sure that he and his family would be _outraged_ at these utterly vacuous statements. To besmirch the memory of Katie McCarron by trying to empathise with her murdering mother and to try and absolve her and by implication blame the mainstream medical community is appalling.

In fact, the reverse is almost certainly true – the utter hopelessness that groups such as Autism Speaks like to foment are much more likely to have led to any depression Katie’s murderer might’ve had. And if she felt that vaccines caused her daughters autism then she long ago crossed the line into quackery. In this case, fatal quackery. There is still absolutely zero evidence that vaccines cause autism. Anyone – and I mean _anyone_ who has had a hand in perpetuating that myth bears some responsibility for the murder of Katie McCarron.

On the 22nd of June, Kellie A. Waremburg attempted to kill her four year old daughter. Thankfully she failed. Her daughter has cerebral palsy.

Shortly afterwards, the same barrage of testimonials commenting on how good a mother Waremburg was came out and how difficult it is to parent a child with cerebral palsy:

“She’s always been a good mom. She’s always interacting with her (daughter),” said next-door neighbor Katie Gardiner.

Families face challenges, there’s no question about it. Children have varying degrees of impairment. For some families, there is a minimal impact to families who need to take every aspect of their child’s care – feed them, dress them, toilet them,” said Morgan, who also is the chief of the section of child development within the Department of Pediatrics at University of Illinois College of Medicine at Peoria.

So? So what? Get over it, get on with it. If you can’t, then hand your child over to family members or social services and let someone who doesn’t put themselves first get on with it.

I want to clue these killer parents and those parents and groups who ‘understand’ killer parents into something: Your child is not your property. You have no rights over them. You have an obligation to parent them, love them, feed them, clothe them, teach them and let them be who they are. When you have a child, you put yourself last. If your career suffers – that’s not their fault. If you can’t go out as much as you used to – that’s not their fault. If money is a problem – that’s not their fault. Stop transferring your unhappiness about the way your life has changed into excuses for killing, or understanding the killers of, children.

I’ve had two themes running through this blog of late. One is this one – the murder of disabled children. The other one is what’s going on at the Judge Rotenberg Centre where electric skin shock is used to punish autistic and non-autistic students. People who believe in the concept of neurodiversity have been outraged and blogged both of these events continuously and thoroughly.

There is however, one section of people who has remained utterly and totally silent on both issues. The self styled ‘autism community’ who perpetuate the ongoing myth of vaccines causing autism.

Autism Speaks released a short movie about the horrors of having to live life with an autistic child. I’ve seen no movies about the JRC, or investigations into electric shocks for autistic people.

The NAA who regularly (and falsely) denounce good science and promote bad released a damp squib of an online petition and then fell totally silent on the issue.

Safe Minds? Nothing.

ACHAMP? Nothing.

These, don’t forget, are the people who call themselves the autism community. Seems to me like they care about one issue and one issue only.

And how about the anti-mercury bloggers? The grass-roots ‘autism community’.

Adventures in Autism? Nothing.

UPDATE: Ginger informs me that she’s temporarily not blogging at all and hadn’t even heard of Katie McCarron. In this light, it doesn’t seem fair to place AiA here.

Injecting Sense? Nothing.

Whilst these people continue their obsession with trying to find some kind of spurious link between vaccines and autism the world continues to turn. Whilst they present themselves to politicians and media outlets as the autism community, the world continues to turn. Whilst they attend single issue conferences, the world continues to turn.

Unless you’re Katie McCarron. Then the world doesn’t turn at all.

Unless you’re Lexus Fuller. Her world is shattered as she must grow up knowing her mum tried to kill her.

Unless you’re a student at the JRC where the world and time must appear to stand still as you are electrocuted for non-compliance.

Kevin Leitch: Big Pharma Shill

25 Jun

I’m involved in a protracted discussion with a bunch of anti-vaccinationistas on what claims to be an autism support forum. Amongst them is the hilarious srniath who is treating is child with Lupron but who didn’t know what CPP or PPP was and didn’t know that excess testosterone could be caused by vitamin and supplements.

Another one is someone one calls themselves ‘respect’ and who is an out-and-out anti-vaxxer:

I think we are missing the forest for the trees. Will we all go out and vaccinate our kids with 20 vaccinations before the age of 18 months just because there is no mercury in them? The issue here must the vaccination, and not just the mercury.

Source.

Other regulars there include Erik ‘PR for the Geier’s’ Nanstiel and various other posters – I’ve heard various conspiracy theories totuted around including the eye-popping theory that the World Trade Center terrorist attacks were perpetrated by shadowy US government figures.

Basically, there’s a few good people there but they are drowned out by the louder wingnuts.

Anyway, I’m involved in a discussion regarding the nature of neurodiversity (srinath is again involved so you’re assured of the odd good belly laugh) and it seems that I’ve been outed as a pharma shill! Again!

‘repect’ googled for “kevin leitch pharmaceutical” and damn – got a result!

Department for International Development (DFID)

Kevin Leitch
Programme Officer
Department for International Development (DFID)
HPD, Level 8 West, 1 Palace Street
London SW1 5HE
United Kingdom
Phone: 44.020.7023.1121
Fax: 44.020.7023.0428/0174
Email: k-leitch@dfid.gov.uk

Oh man – who would’ve thought that using my real name would’ve led me to being outed? I would’ve gotten away with it too, if it weren’t for you darn kids!

I admit this really tickled my funny bone – how desperate do you have to be to discredit a broke web developer from the West Midlands?

Anyway, just in case there’s any confusion in the future I’d like to make clear that I am not Kevin Leitch. Nor am I Kevin Leitch, or Kevin Leitch, or Kevin Leitch, or Kevin Leitch, or Kevin Leitch and sadly not Kevin Leitch.

Katie McCarron

12 Jun

Since the horrifying news that three year old Katherine ‘Katie’ McCarron was killed by her mother, a few of us have been in contact with Katie’s Granddad – Mike McCarron.

Mike contacted me after viewing the WMV file of [my daughter] I uploaded to counter the idea that autism was a tragedy and that a killing like this was in any way understandable and we’ve swapped emails since then. I have to come to have an inordinate amount of respect for Mike not just for his utterly transparent love for his grand-daughter but also his lucid refusal to countenance the idea that her death can be in any way rationalised or painted as understandable, despite the mealy mouthed efforts of a few journalists and a couple of bloggers who should know better.

Mike sent me the picture of Katie a week or so ago but asked me not to blog it which was totally understandable. However, as the ‘this is justifiable’ nonsense has increased, Mike feels that its time to show people the beautiful child that we’re supposed to believe it was ‘understandable’ to kill.

Here’s a comment from Mike over on Kristina’s AutismVox blog:

I would like to say something about Katie. Some newspapers have reported that this was done to end Katie’s pain; let me assure you that “Katie was not in pain”. She was a beautiful, precious and happy little girl. Each day she was showered with love and returned that love with hugs, kisses and laughter. Katie loved music; she would fill in some of the words in children’s songs as my wife would sing along with the CD that would be playing, their own version of “karaoke” . She liked to dance, she loved to do the “hooky poky”. She loved being in among flowers and tall grass. She would say “I like grass”. She enjoyed the zoo and because of all of the drills and flashcards she could identify the animals. Which I thought was pretty amazing for such a young child. She was also the only little child in her non-autistic play group that could identify an octagon. My wife and son had a party for her the day they heard that from the teacher.

I’m not ashamed to state that I have cried numerous times since corresponding with Mike. In horror that something so appalling could happen to someone so young and innocent, in recognition of the most abrasive pain I could imagine when talking to Mike and in awe that he remains so lucid and how directed and purposeful his very real anger is:

But in the meantime I can assure you that no one will describe her murder as “understandable” or devalue her in anyway without my personal challenge to them and the organizations they represent.

Everyone should have such a Grandpa.

UPDATE: Stephen at Not Dead Yet also received some photo’s of Katie, as did Kristina.

Great Ormond Street Appeal

11 Jun

Got an email from my friend Marty yesterday:

Over the past few months I’ve played a very tiny part in a VERY special auction which is now live. Some facts that might bore a few of you but:-

“In 2005 Lancasters armourie were contracted by the BBC to build a number of prop swords for the Christmas special episode of the hit revival of Doctor Who.

Used by Doctor Who actor David Tennant and the leader of the Sycorax race the swords were seen by 10 million viewers.

Now Lancasters are auctioning the prototype of the sword (above) in aid of London’s Great Ormond Street Hospital.

And, as if owning this unique piece of television history wasn’t enough Lancasters have been aided in their fundraising effort by the generosity BBC Wales and actors David Tennant and Sean Gilder who have provided their signatures for engraving on the blade.

The sword will be auctioned via ebay. Clive Lankford of Lancasters tell us they “are not shy about the fact that we want this to make as much money for GOSHCC as possible”.

See Marty’s site for more details: http://www.mayorwatch.org.uk/news.php?article_id=300

CSS Reboot – Guest Reviewer

2 May

Well, the CSS Reboot is upon us once again and I thought given the prestige of the occasion, I’d hand over to a guest reviewer to review some of the entries in the Reboot.

Please welcome Guest Reviewer – Johnny Nice-Painter.

Oh hello my fellow artists….how very lovely it is to be here reviewing such a prestigious event as the CSS Reboot amongst all you young people. You may know I’m something of an artist myself, although I have to say I utilise the more conventional approach of a nice canvas and water colours. I daresay that sounds terribly old fashioned.

Anyway, lets move on shall we? Katie has my tea and medication waiting for me and I don’t want to be late…so who’s first Mr Leitch?

Oh ah, young Prabhath from Nidahas…what an exotic looking web page that is! How jolly nice! Did he win? No? Why? Because he didn’t pay to get his design listed on the front page? I don’t understand Mr Leitch – you have to pay?

Oh, only some people can pay – those who can afford it I presume – not those who come from developing countries with other priorities I would surmise…? How very strange. Anyway, which lovely website should I look at next?

Oh, ah Standards Rule…well now thats jolly nice too, what a lot of talented people we have here Mr Leitch!…what’s that? Look at the ‘source code’…whatever for? Ah…I see – using a table for layout purposes – I thought this was a CSS competition? It is? Oh dear. I don’t understand, I’m afraid. Admittedly, an old man like me can’t keep up with the latest gizmo’s and jeejaws but even I know that calling a website ‘Standards Rule’ and rebooting in a CSS competition whilst using a table for layout is a bit…well, its not cricket is it eh?

Shall we just go straight to the CSS Reboot home page Mr Leitch? No? Why not? What do you mean ‘no reason’, that sounds a bit silly – lets just click the link and…..

oh….

….there’s an awful lot of black isn’t there…….

….oh dear…Terry Ng, David Longworth, John Protasiewicz, Bryan Veloso, Doug Gibson…….

black……BLACK!!!!

ah……Christian Montoya….ARRGGHHH Christian Montoya AGAIN!!!! BLACK!!!!

You lock me in the cellar and feed me pins, where shall we sleep tonight Mother? On Father’s grave?

Alex Graul….Jonathon Snook….

They wait for me in the woods…

VEERLE MADE IT GOOD BUT IT MAKES ME SAD!!!

The black…..ITS EVERYWHERE!!!!! I MUST HIDE IN THE WARDROBE OF SUBTLE PLAGARISM DARKNESS!!!

Well…sorry about that. I guess all that black was a bit much for poor Johnny. I know how he feels.

Meme Clobbered – Where Was I?

3 Apr

H has meme clobbered me and as I took the piss out of 37 Signals so mercilessly I can no loger cry off such things. Damn you karma!!

Where Was I One Year Ago?

One year ago I worked for a financial services company as their in house designer/developer. We were also getting our daughter established in a mainstream school, my wife was six months pregnant and I had gone through about 3 re-designs of this site in a month.

Where Was I Five Years Ago?

2001 right? Erm….I was working for a design agency (clients included Disney, Nat West, Jarvis and others) churning out very dodgy Flash based websites and living the dotcom dream. Shorlty afterwards I was laid off. The dotcom nightmare.

Where Was I Ten Years Ago?

Christ. In 1996 I was at University doing my degree and was doing a bit of web stuff to make ends meet. I had just met Naomi. I was thinner. I was fitter. I had a better blood pressure. Other than that I cannot remember/am not saying.

Its customary at this time for me to clobber three other people with this meme. I shall therefore choose one design blogger, one autism blogger and one skeptic blogger.